What You Must Know Before Looking for Older Men Dating
Age should never be a barrier to finding love. So if you’ve found yourself falling for an older man, You must consider the following pros and cons before marrying or even getting into a relationship with an older man
Pros to Dating an Older Man
1. He’s Financially Stable
An older man is past the early-20s “what am I doing with my life” phase. There’s a good chance he’s midway in his career, and therefore at least somewhat financially stable.
Being financially stable isn’t about making $300k a year. It’s about being smart with his money. Maybe investing it or buying a house. It basically is the opposite of being broke, which is a libido-killer for most women.
It’s nice to date a man who can afford to pay for dinner.
Whose car doesn’t break down in front of your house…
Who has more than one shirt…
Who could afford to take a spontaneous weekend getaway with you…
There’s appeal in that, and you can’t always find it with a younger guy who’s still struggling to find his foothold in his career.
2. He Doesn’t Play Games
He’s already played games in his 20s…and he’s over it.
A young man doesn’t know what he wants, and so he plays those cat-and-mouse games we all hate. An older man, especially one who’s already been married once, knows what he wants. If he’s ready for a long-term relationship, he’ll make it known. You won’t wonder. He’s not out to waste time; he wants to know within a few dates whether you have potential or not.
Now, I’m not saying every older man is ready to settle down again. Plenty want to continue to play the field. But they’ll be more upfront about it if they’re older. At least then you know immediately whether you want to pursue something with him or not, based on whether your goals are aligned.
3. He Has More Confidence
Chalk it up to older men having more life experience: they tend to be more confident. They’ve been around the block: sexually, financially, career-wise, and in love. They’re not timid about sharing their opinions. They carry themselves with a cocksure attitude that you find appealing.
If you’ve dated younger guys that were wimpy and lacked confidence, it’s understandable you’d consider dating an older man. That take-charge attitude and the desire to take care of his woman is plenty appealing.
4. Jealousy Takes a Backseat
Younger guys tend to be jealous at the drop of a hat.
“Dude. That bank teller was totally checking you out. WTF?”
It’s yawn-inducing, I know. But how nice is it to be with a man who knows that, from time to time, another man will admire his lady…and not freak out about it?
It goes back to that confidence thing. He’s assured of what he has (including you) and isn’t threatened by another man.
5. His Status is Appealing
Some critics of women dating older men say they do so because they have “daddy issues,” but a recent study proved otherwise. Here’s what it said:
“…it is evolutionarily beneficial for women to seek older mates, and that there will be no significant difference in attachment styles between women in age-gap versus similar-age relationships.”
What this means is that it’s an evolutionary pattern that women are drawn to older men, in part because of their status and resources.
Think about it. If you were pumping gas and a gorgeous Lamborghini/Tesla/Porsche pulled up next to you with a good-looking older man in it, wouldn’t you do a double-take?
Don’t you find photos of men speaking on stage on dating apps appealing?
When you find out a guy you just met is a doctor, doesn’t your mouth water?
These are all status indicators, and they’re part of the attraction factor. It’s completely natural for you to be drawn to a man because of his status. It subtly communicates to you that he can take care of you, and that life with him would be fun!
6. He’s Mature
While most of the above benefits of dating an older man fall under the “he’s just more mature” category, it’s worth pointing out additional perks of dating a mature man.
He has his sh*t together, first and foremost. He’s likely been in at least one long-term relationship, so he knows how to give to his partner and compromise when necessary. A mature man isn’t in the middle of an identity crisis. He knows who he is and what he wants, and he isn’t shy about communicating that.
7. Communication Comes Easily
Speaking of communication, there’s a better chance that an older guy will be a better communicator than a younger one. Again, if he’s been in at least one long-term relationship, the subject of communication more than likely came up, so hopefully, he’s learned how to express himself in constructive ways that will make him a good partner.
Dating an older man may surprise you: he may be a better listener than anyone younger that you’ve been with. And if you prefer talking on the phone to texting, there’s a good chance he does too.
8. Baby Time May Be Over
If you’ve already had kids in your past relationship or don’t want any in the future, dating an older man is a good path for you, because it’s less likely that he’s interested in having (more) kids. He may even have grown children, which may be easier to deal with if you get serious and end up living together or married (you’re not the wicked stepmother to small children).
Having a relationship with an older man without the focus being on raising children gives you the ability to really bond and connect with no distractions.
Cons to Dating an Older Man
Every man is different, regardless of his age. But these are a few things to be aware of if you consider dating an older man.
He knows what he wants.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, but he’s going for something casual, there’s a good chance you won’t be able to change his mind — regardless of how compatible the two of you are.
Older men have a good idea of what they want and how much emotional energy they have to put into a relationship. It’s important for the two of you to be on the same page about expectations. If he’s not looking to get married, you need to respect that and not force the issue a year or two in.
He probably has more romantic history than you.
If he’s older and single, there are three possibilities at hand. He could be a widow or divorced, he could be a serial dater, or he’s simply been single and happy with it for plenty of years. But chances are, it’s one of the first two. If you’re the type who compares themselves to someone’s exes or if you can’t handle a significant relationship that was part of your man’s life, this arrangement might not be the best fit for you. Everyone has a past, but some of us have a lot more past than others. You’re either ok with that, or you’re not.
Kids may be a bigger issue.
There’s a chance he might have one or two kids from a previous relationship, meaning that if things got serious, you may very well be a step-parent. It’s a high honor, but a little tough if you aren’t fond of children or aren’t ready for that kind of responsibility. He might have also have aged out of being interested in having kids. That means that if it was always part of your life plan, you may have a tough decision ahead.
You need to think ten years head.
Listen — the scariest part about life is that it’s completely unpredictable. As humans, we have to make the best choices we can. But when you’re dating an older man, there’s a good possibility that if the two of you get serious, you’ll be more active in managing his health than your friends would be within their own relationships. Men don’t suddenly fall apart after a certain set time, and everyone’s different — but it’s still something you need to be prepped for. Are you emotionally able to be his support at a younger age? Are you going to be ok, if he ages faster than you and isn’t interested in the same things you are anymore, or isn’t able to travel or be as mobile when you get older? These things seem far away, but they’re important enough to start thinking about now.
He’s likely to be set in his ways.
Many older men are looking for a companion, and not necessarily someone who’ll ask them to make a bunch of changes. If he’s been living by himself in an apartment, it may be tough to get him to agree to move in together. Especially if things have been just fine in the visiting arrangement you’ve already set.
There might be moments where he makes you feel immature.
With age comes wisdom, but that doesn’t mean that you should always feel like you’re in the wrong. While dating an older man has a lot of perks, be prepared for the moments where he tries to show you up, or make you feel as if your opinion is misguided. It’s a character flaw that many older men have, and older people in general for that matter. Simply put, they think they’re in charge because they were born earlier than you were. Just note that if this is a constant pattern, you should call him out on it or cut your losses now. Constantly feeling bad isn’t a necessary part of any relationship.
Friends and family might have opinions.
If there’s a significant age gap, you’ll get some questions throughout the entirety of your relationship. People might make jokes, or wonder how the two of you ended up falling for each other. Even if the age gap isn’t that big, you might still feel some distance from close friends, especially if your guy is a little old for certain venues. If there aren’t any red flags (and a trusted loved one would let you know if there’s something you aren’t seeing) and the relationship is legal — since that’s an absolute must — remember that all relationships are different. If he treats you right, that’s what’s most important.
Your interests may differ.
As time goes on, you might realize that you actually don’t have as much in common with your older guy than you initially thought. That’s totally natural, and not necessarily a dealbreaker — at least, unless you think it is. There’s a good chance that you won’t be nostalgic about the same entertainment, and may not even understand each other’s preference in music. Just remember, dating someone with completely different tastes may be a great learning experience.